Relations out of marriage


Why can’t we just have relationships or friendships with boys/girls?

The youth of today think that if you don’t have a girl/boyfriend there’s something wrong with you. However, Islam prohibits this type of relationships and here I will explain why.

Someone once said, ‘The devil says to woman: You are half my army! You are my arrow with which I do not miss! You are my confidante! You are my messenger with whom I achieve my wants!’i

Umme Salma (may Allah be pleased with her) has related that ‘I was with the Messenger of Allah (may Allah bless him and grant him peace) along with Maimuna (may Allah be pleased with her) when Ibn Makhtum (may Allah be pleased with him) approached and came in to visit him, so he told us to veil ourselves.” I said, ‘O Messenger of Allah, (may Allah bless him and grant him peace) is he not blind and unable to see us?’ He replied “Are you blind and unable to see him?”’ ii

The Zina (fornication) of the eye is to look, the Zina of the tongue is the word, and the Zina of the foot is walking towards the desires.iii

The Messenger of Allah said, “How who touches the palm of a woman will have burning coals placed on the palm of his hands on the day of judgement.”iv

The Messenger of Allah said, “For an iron rod to be driven into your head is better than touching a woman who is unlawful for you.”v

We find that Islam protects the dignity of the woman and intermingling with the opposite sex is prohibited.

Sense of boredom

A man’s sense of boredom and discontent might arise even when his partner is still in the prime of her youth. It is here that the conflicts begin, with the woman attempting to the best of her ability to hold onto her husband while at the same time saving her dignity, at which point the man may resort to threats and even physical abuse, thereby leaving the woman with no alternative but to flee whenever she can.

Germaine Greer’s book, ‘The Whole Woman’, released in 1999, states; One of the most persistent legends of the sexual revolution, that ‘testing the waters’ before marriage helps to determine compatibility, seems to have been definitively refuted. ‘Some of the briefest marriages are those that follow a long period of cohabitation’ (p.255).

So the Western culture of ‘testing the waters’ before marriage is only so that there is no commitment by both partners and when one of them feels like walking away for what ever reason there is nothing to stop them. Hence, leaving the other partner ‘dumped’ as they call it and heart broken with unwanted memories. Now because in a marriage there are commitments and both partners would have to think before making a decision of divorce, remarrying and children etc. it will take sometime in making a decision whatever it may be leaving enough time for both partners to decide and talk about the future of the family, hence, giving a warning which will not make either partner feel used or abused.

In a relationship that has no commitments (i.e. boy/girlfriend) there is little trust and more chance of domestic violence whilst in marriages there is more trust and little chance of domestic violence.

Domestic violence

In an article dealing with frightening epidemic, Richard F. Jones, a professor at the American College of Obstetrics and Gynaecology, states, “There is a plague sweeping across our nation… It is a heinous (shocking) phenomenon (fact) which cannot be overlooked or passed over lightly. On the contrary, it must be brought to an end. It is a revolting disease which be brought to an end. It is a revolting disease which no civilised nation can tolerate.”vi Jones then goes on to note, “Every 12 seconds in the United States, a woman is subjected to this scourge (affliction). Every 12 seconds a woman is beaten, in some cases to the point of death, by a husband or lover! Every day we see the results of this abuse in our offices, our emergency rooms, and our clinics.”vii 2

People are not aware of what the Western women complains about today and the negative impact that the ‘open’ mixing of sexes has brought upon her, upon men, the family and the whole society. They shut their ears to the screams of dissatisfaction that fills the horizons of the Western world, as well as the screams of the scientists and literary men, and the fears of intellectuals and the reformists of the whole civilisation that has affected as a result of cancelling all restrictions on the mixing of sexes. Those people also forget that every nation has its personality that is formed by its beliefs and visualised it to the universe, life, existence and the existence of God, as well as its values, heritage and customs. It is not right for a society to copy another one.

An article I came across in the Asian Image, June 2004 titled ‘Man bailed,’ in this article it said,

“M K1, 27, of Edith Street, was remanded on bail until May 27 by Blackburn magistrates charged with harassing his former girlfriend, F A.

1 I have used initials on purpose and have not disclosed the names.


Conditions of bail include no contact with the aggrieved, not to enter an area around her home address and not to go within the precincts of Blackburn Royal Infirmary, where she works as a staff nurse, except for medical treatment.”

If a person did not get involved in this in the first place, the former boy friend would not have harassed her, nor will she have unwanted memories for the rest of her life. Because of intermixing of the sexes, feelings are hurt and hearts are broken, this is exactly what Islam is protecting each person from. But who wants to follow Islam, we would rather follow our own desires!

Lone parent

Another thing is that in a relationship outside wedlock there are no commitments the partner can be burdened with bringing up the children on her own which is very difficult for a single mother. Most cases it is the mother who keeps the children and the child never gets to see their father. Let us take a look at some government statistics:

Lone Parent Households with Dependent Childrenviii All lone



with dependent children (1)

Male lone parent (3)

Female lone parent (3)



in part-time (2)


Percentage in

full-time (2)




in part-

time (2) employment

Percentage in

full-time (2)










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