Marriage Volume 2
CHAPTER TWENTY FIVE
Marriage
1 See Volume One, Chapter Fifty-Three for this Sunnah
O Allah (The Exalted) grant him Divine Favour, Divine Grace, Divine Honour, the Closest Access, the Lofty Rank and the High Standing.
Doctor Watcher Lowick from Sind writes that if after maturity marriage is left for some time the order of the sexual hormones ceases. The capability of the hormones decline as the sunset. The moisture of the Adrenal Glands declines and the impulse first will increase then gradually begins to decrease. Delaying marriage at this stage results in mischief in the community. However, even if married (but at a later stage) then the mischief continues as it worsens day by day. One of the main reasons for mischief in the community today is that teenagers/young people they are at a stage of excitement and to control this marriage is an excellent tool. Unfortunately due to custom and culture we have delayed marriage and made adultery very easy.
Ibn Ma’sud (may Allah be pleased with him) narrates that the Prophet (may Allah bless him and grant him peace) said “Young men, those of you who can support a wife should marry, for it keeps you from looking at strange women and protects you from immorality. However, those who cannot should devote themselves to fasting, for it is a means of suppressing sexual desire.” i
Desires
Doctor Miriam Stoppard writes; Desire begins in the brain, which then sends messages to the body that result in a variety of changes indicating arousal.
Umme Salma (may Allah be pleased with her) related, ‘I was with Allah’s Messenger (may Allah bless him and grant him peace) along with Maymuna (may Allah be pleased with her) when Ibn Makhtum (may Allah be pleased with him) approached and came in to visit him, so he told us to veil ourselves. I said, ‘Messenger of Allah (may Allah bless him and grant him peace) is he not blind and unable to see us?’ He replied “Are you blind and unable to see him?” ii
Appearance
Doctor Miriam Stoppard writes; “Take care over appearance and cleanliness; never fall into bed unwashed.”
Alex Comfort writes: “Women’s sense of smell is keener than men’s – don’t over saturate early on with masculine odours; just before orgasm is probably the time for full odour contact.”
It is part of the habit of our beloved Prophet (may Allah bless him and grant him peace) that he would apply Itr (fragrance) and perform Miswak before intercourse. It is for this reason that the scholars state that a man should inform his wife of his intention to have intercourse from the morning in order that both are prepared fully at the appropriate time.
Doctor Miriam Stoppard writes; Compliment your partner on her appearance, tell her she smells nice, hold her hand, give her light, affectionate kisses and catch her eye and smile whenever you can.
Ibn ‘Abbas (may Allah be pleased with him) said; “I love to adorn myself for women (my wives) as much as I wish them to adorn themselves for me.”
Foreplay
Doctor Miriam Stoppard writes; Allow yourselves plenty of time so that your lovemaking can proceed unhurried, and in a relaxed manner. With the first time this is especially important, since any nervousness that one or both partners feel must be completely dispelled if arousal is to take place. The man particularly should not be in too much of a rush. The man should always make certain the woman is aroused by caressing and stimulating her for a minimum of ten minutes before penetration and be gentle and not to thrust too deeply at first.
The Prophet (may Allah bless him and grant him peace) said that, “Let none of you fall upon his wife as an animal would do. Let these be envy between them.” When they asked, “What is this envy?” He said, “Kisses and sweet words.” iii 2 www.GardensOfSunnah.co.uk
Doctor Miriam Stoppard writes; while the clitoris is the main focus of a women’s sexual response, its reaction is slower, and nowhere near as fast as a penile erection. Some women need a particularly long time, and a considerate lover must therefore be patient. As you arouse your partner, you will feel intense pleasure as well, and she will not only be more receptive but also more helpful during intercourse, so that the experience will be equally pleasurable for both of you.
Even in this regard we find the beautiful teachings of the Messenger of Allah (may Allah bless him and grant him peace) guiding us. In a very subtle manner he impressed upon his companions the importance and necessity of foreplay with the wife.
Narrated in the hadith that once the Messenger of Allah (may Allah bless him and grant him peace) came to find out that Jabir (may Allah be pleased with him) had married a widowed woman. He said: “Why did you not marry a virgin whom you could play with and who would play with you?” this indicates that importance of loveplay or foreplay.
Kisses and sweet words
Doctor Miriam Stoppard writes; The mouth is highly responsive and mobile, and can offer a great variety of sensual pleasures.
The Prophet (may Allah bless him and grant him peace) said that, “Let none of you fall upon his wife as an animal would do. Let there be an envoy between them.” When they asked: “What is this envoy, O Messenger of Allah?” he replied: “Kisses and sweet words.” iv
Narrated by ‘Aisha (may Allah be pleased with her) that “The Prophet (may Allah bless him and grant him peace) would kiss and embrace his wives.” v
Afterplay
Doctor Miriam Stoppard writes; After orgasm it can take a considerable time for the vagina to return to its normal appearance. As long as 10 to 15 minutes may elapse before the basic coloration returns to the vagina, and for the folds to reappear. Try not to fall asleep immediately after climax; talk to her for a while afterwards and hold her in your arms. Otherwise the situation could well lead to unhappiness, frustration and resentment.
This is one of the reasons having a bath or at least performing ablution after intercourse, as after intercourse both partners are tied and could fall asleep. Afterplay is as important as foreplay; hence by performing ablution it brings the blood pressure to normal and refreshes the body.
Anal sex or sex when in period
Doctor Miriam Stoppard writes; the notion of “safe sex” was initially promoted in the 1980s as a response to the spread of AIDS, but practising safe sex will help to protect you against sexually transmitted diseases in general and not just against AIDS. Safe sex is a matter of commonsense combined with an awareness of the risks involved in different kinds of sexual activity.
Diseases occur when unnatural sex takes place i.e. anal sex and sex whilst the woman is menstruating. In a pamphlet from the Doctors surgery entitled “Enhance your love life” it states; ‘Couples might experience some feelings of discomfort. The lower oestrogen2 levels present within your body during the menopause can cause the walls of the vagina to become thinner and changes to the amount of moisture levels that are naturally secreted might make penetrative sex feel uncomfortable.” We find that Islam looks after every individual and protects them from any type of illness or disease. If the commands of Allah (The Exalted) and His Prophet (may Allah bless him and grant him peace) are ignored then it is when things go wrong, let us take a look at the things that trigger these illnesses:
2 One of a group of steroid hormones that control female sexual development.
High-risk Sexual Activities
- • Any sexual act that Draws blood, whether intentionally or accidentally.
- • Anal intercourse
- • Insertion of fingers into the anus.
- • Anal kissing or licking
3 www.GardensOfSunnah.co.uk
HIV
Alex Comfort writes regarding anal intercourse: “In the light of present knowledge, this is best avoided altogether. But it is the preferred method of catching, or transmitting, the virus of AIDS, as well as hepatitis3, cytomegalovris4 and intestinal infections, and it can also cause mechanical damage.”
3 Inflammation of the liver caused by viruses.
4 A member of the herpes group of virus. Commonly occurs in humans and normally produces symptoms milder than common cold.
“The HIV virus is contained in blood, semen and vaginal secretions – the most important route of infection is anal intercourse.”
“The prudent answer is that with anyone except a life-time partner one should totally avoid the main modes of known sexual transmission – anal intercourse and contact with blood or body fluids.”
“The concept of ‘safe sex’ surfaced only with the outbreak of AIDS. The message was to avoid anal sex altogether.”
The Qur’an warns us: “He who has intercourse with his wife through her anus is accursed.” vi
It is forbidden and a major sin to have intercourse whilst one’s wife is menstruating. He is permitted to sleep and caress her but she must keep her body covered from her navel to her knees in order to prevent any possibility of intercourse.
Temperature
After intercourse the temperature of the body is high and science has said that ablution makes the temperature and high blood pressure normal. If one eats in this state then it affects the stomach, the heart, and there is a chance that one will be affected with illnesses. If one sleeps in a state of impurity without cleaning either by ablution or bathing then the temperature will not be normal and if intercourse is performed again with cleaning oneself the temperature rises making it harmful for health.vii
‘Umar (may Allah be pleased with him) told the Prophet (may Allah bless him and grant him peace) “I became impure at night,” and he was told, “Perform ablution, after washing your private parts, and then sleep.” viii
Another wisdom of bathing after intercourse is that it freshens the body as well as the mind, hence, one will not fall asleep straight away.
Sex of the child
A strange question is being handled now. Do the family need a boy or a girl child? An American university has conducted a research which deals about this matter. However, I was discussing the meaning of the Hadith which has been related by Ibn Katheer. The Hadith says, “If the semen of Man comes over the semen of a woman, it will produce a male child by the will of Allah and if the semen of the woman comes over the semen of man it will produce a female child by the will of Allah”.
We send the question related to the material factor determining the sex of the child to many European countries and USA but we received a negative reply. They did not accept such interpretation. However, just before two years we started finding answer by the help of Zology to assume that there are some signs which proves the significance which we understand from the above Hadith.
Scientists found that the secreted semen of the male tends to be acidic while secreted semen of the female tends to be alkaline. If the semen of both, the male and female get mixed and the alkaline semen of the female dominates the acidic semen of the male, the major result of such domination is a female child and vice versa.
This research has been experimented on cows in France so that to increase the members of female cows and the result was that the rate of increase in the oxen was 70% and in female cows was 30% and therefore they stopped the experiment in its early stages.
Many great scientists attended the medical conference hold in King Faisal University in Dammam. They said that there is only one person who can answer or interpret the above phenomena but he was in USA. He is Prof. Saad Haliz an Egyptian Muslim. Later on we met him and he introduced himself as the initiator of a new science called the science of Men’s sterility. He is the president of the editorial staff of two 4 www.GardensOfSunnah.co.uk
i Bukhari & Muslim
ii Ahmed & Tirmidhi
iii ibid
iv Ihya ul Uloom Al-Din
v Bukhari; Book of fasting
vi Abu Dawood
vii Research report
viii Bukhari
ix “You ask about the miracles of Quran and Sunna and Shaikh El Zinadi answers” By Shaikh Abdul Majeed El Zindani.
magazines and wrote about 34 books. He made a thorough study of the semen of Man and Woman for about ten years by the use of the electronic microscope and the computer. He reached to a conclusion that the semen of man is acidic and that of the woman is alkaline.
When the two semen meet, and if the dominant content was acidic it produced a male child and vice versa. Allah (The Exalted) is Great. I told this Egyptian scholar that what he found had been said by the Messenger of Allah (may Allah bless him and grant him peace) before more than fourteen centuries. I told him that the whole issue depends on the will of Allah (the Exalted) as the meaning of Hadith indicates. Because there are many people who tried to determine the sex of his offspring but he got the opposite of his desire. He agreed with me in this issue and added that many people did desire to beget many children, but their wives begot more that what they desired. Thus the content of the above Hadith has been confirmed by modern science and the will of Allah (The Exalted) also has been confirmed modern science. ix
Foreskin
Alex Comfort writes; “Cutting off this structure is possibly the oldest human sexual ritual. It still persists – on the ground, now; either that cancer of the penis and cervix is rarer when it is done (washing probably works as well).”