SUNNAH REGARDING CONJUGAL RELATIONS
O Allah (The Exalted) bless our master Muhammad (may Allah bless him and grant him peace) and the family of our master Muhammad (may Allah bless him and grant him peace) as much as You know him, as much as Your Book as much as the witnessing of Your angels and be pleased with his Companions and be merciful on his nations for You are Praiseworthy the Mighty.
Reward for intercourse
The Messenger of Allah (may Allah bless him and grant him peace) said that, “To have intercourse with one’s wife is charity and a means of reward.” The companions questioned: ‘O Messenger of Allah (may Allah bless him and grant him peace)! Is their reward for fulfilling one’s desires also?’ The Messenger of Allah (may Allah bless him and grant him peace) replied, ‘Had he satisfied his desire in a wrong place would he not have sinned?” The companions replied, ‘Yes’. The Messenger of Allah (may Allah bless him and grant him peace) then said, ‘In order to safeguard oneself from sin, one will undoubtedly merit reward.’
Subhanallah! A person is rewarded by even fulfilling his/her desires in the lawful way.
Jarir ibn ‘Abd-Allah (may Allah be pleased with him) narrates that he asked the Messenger of Allah (may Allah bless him and grant him peace) about the unintentional glance (at a woman) and he (may Allah bless him and grant him peace) said that, “Turn your gaze away.” i
‘Abd-Allah ibn Mas’ud (may Allah be pleased with him) narrates that the Messenger of Allah (may Allah bless him and grant him peace) said that, “Whosoever sees a woman and he desires her then go to your wife as she has the same things as her.” ii
Intentions at time of intercourse
‘Ali (may Allah be pleased with him) is reported to have said in his advises, “At the time of intercourse, the following intention should be made:
1) Protection against Adultery (Zina)
2) Protection against gazing at other women (Ghair Mehram)
3) Attainment of pious and upright progeny, who will serve Islam.” iii
When intercourse is enjoyed with the correct intention, then not only is it an act of physical pleasure but it also becomes an act of reward.
It is part of the habit of the Messenger of Allah (may Allah bless him and grant him peace) that he would apply ‘Itr (fragrance) and perform Miswak before intercourse. It is for this reason that the scholars state that a man should inform his wife of his intention to have intercourse from the morning in order that both are prepared fully at the appropriate time.
The Messenger of Allah, (may Allah bless him and grant him peace) said that, “When a man has intercourse with his wife, the reward of producing a child is written for him and such a child becomes martyred fighting in the way of Allah (The Exalted).” iv Subhanallah!
The Messenger of Allah (may Allah bless him and grant him peace) said that, “When one of you mates with his wife, let them not be naked like the ass and she-ass (like donkeys).” v Meaning both partners should be covered in sheets.
The Messenger of Allah (may Allah bless him and grant him peace) told Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) that when you copulate with your wife recite ‘Bismillah’ as from know until you perform bath the angels will continue to write good deeds in your account, and if a child is born from this copulation then you will be rewarded with every breath that the child takes and the reward of each breath of their children too.vi Subhanallah! Subhanallah! 2 www.GardensOfSunnah.co.uk
However, This does not mean you don’t have a bath until morning and miss the Fajr Salaah as Allah’s (The Exalted) curse is on such people.
The Messenger of Allah (may Allah bless him and grant him peace) said that, “There is a weakness in men when he approaches his wife and taking her without first talking to her, caressing her and laying her by her side, so that he uses her to satisfy his needs before she satisfies her need through him.” vii
Islam encourages foreplay and not just going suddenly to them.
The Prophet (may Allah bless him and grant him peace) said that, “Let none of you fall upon his wife as an animal would do. Let these be envy between them.” When they asked, “What is this envy?” He said, “Kisses and sweet words.” viii
The Prophet (may Allah bless him and grant him peace) prohibited going suddenly onto them (women). ix
‘Aisha (may Allah be pleased with her) said that, “I never saw the private parts of the Messenger of Allah (may Allah bless him and grant him peace).” x
Bathing becomes obligatory
According to the Hanafi Madh-hab, “When the penis part of the male touches the vagina of the female, a bath (Ghusl) becomes compulsory (Fardh).” xi Whether one ejaculates or not.
Perform ablution before sleeping
‘Umar (may Allah be pleased with him) told the Messenger of Allah (may Allah bless him and grant him peace) that, “I became Junub (impure) at night,” and he was told, “Perform ablution, after washing your private parts, and then sleep.” xii
However, both partners must perform bath before fajr Salaah and perform the Fajr Salaah.
‘Ali (may Allah be pleased with him) observes in Wasaya: The result of conception as a result of copulation; On Monday night, is a child that will be a Qari (recitor); On Tuesday, a generous, big-hearted child; On Thursday, an upright, God fearing Scholar or a wise child; On Friday before Jumu’ah, a child born with fortune who will attain martyrdom at death; On Friday after Jumu’ah, a sincere child. xiii
Subhanallah! Those days that are not mentioned, does not mean these days are bad luck, no day is bad luck but all days has its own virtue.
It is disapproved (Makrooh) to indulge in sex during three nights of each month; the first, the last and the fifteenth. It is said that devil is at the coupling on these nights. It is also said that the devils mate on these nights. The undesirability of sex on these nights is narrated from ‘Ali, Mu’awiya and Abu Hurairah (may Allah be pleased with them). xiv
These will be the Islamic days of the Hijri calendar.
Unlawfulness of masturbation
Masturbation with one’s hand is unlawful. Imam Shafi’i (may Allah’s Mercy be upon him) was asked in connection with masturbation about the words of Allah (The Exalted) “… those who guard their private parts, save from their wives whom their right hands own, for these are not blameworthy. But whoever seeks beyond that, those are the transgressors.” … and said that these Qur’anic verses restrict permissible sex to what is mentioned in them, since the last verse indicates that anything besides this is lawful. xv
We find that masturbating is not permissible in Islam. However, the husband may use his wife’s hands to masturbate and he may enjoy the region beneath her petticoat as he desires. xvi The reason for the unlawfulness of masturbating with one’s self is that one partner will get their own desires fulfilled; hence there will be no need for them to go towards their partner leaving the other partner to suffer.
The Messenger of Allah (may Allah bless him and grant him peace) said that, “He who has intercourse with his wife through her anus is accursed.” xvii 3 www.GardensOfSunnah.co.uk
It is strictly forbidden to have intercourse via the anus as it is forbidden to have intercourse whilst the woman is on her monthly period. This is one of the ways that diseases and viruses have spread through people. However, the Messenger of Allah (may Allah bless him and grant him peace) warned us that it is forbidden and research proves this fact! Whatever in Islam is forbidden, there is a strong reason for this and that it is not good for either ourselves or for the community that we live in.
Permissibility of Contraception
Jabir (may Allah be pleased with him) reports that, “We practised coitus interrupts (separating before ejaculation) during the time of the Messenger of Allah (may Allah bless him and grant him peace). He came to know about it, but he did not prohibit it.” xviii
During the period of the Messenger of Allah (may Allah bless him and grant him peace) the common practice was withdrawal just before ejaculation (coitus interrupts), thus preventing the entrance of semen. The purpose of contraception is that the seaman does not enter the womb.
Unlawful to disclose secrets
The Messenger of Allah (may Allah bless him and grant him peace) said that, “The disclosure of sex-related secrets by either a husband or his wife, is like a female devil who meets a male devil on the roadside and has intercourse in full public view.” xix
Allahu Akbar! May Allah (The Exalted) save us. The Muslims are following the non-believers. The non-believers don’t have any shame and talk about the private life to others Allah (The Exalted) forbid, you should keep this private. Women should not talk about these issues to anyone nor should men. If there is a problem and you need to speak to someone then speak to someone who has knowledge and fears Allah (The Exalted). There is a way of asking questions too. If you have a problem then do not say “I have so and so problem” but say “If someone has such a problem…” etc. meaning do not let others know you have a problem.
Curse on women
The Messenger of Allah (may Allah bless him and grant him peace) states that, “If a man invites his wife to sleep with him and she refuses to come to him then the angels send their curses on her till the morning.” xx
Allahu Akbar! One of the reasons for this is that the male is the weaker sex and if he does not get his desires fulfilled by his lawful partner then he will look and go towards the unlawful to fulfil his desires.
Imam Shafi (may Allah’s mercy be upon him) states four things which make the body idle, 1) excessive sexual intercourse, 2) too much worrying, 3) too much drinking of water when hungry, and 4) too much pepper.
Imam Shafi (may Allah’s mercy be upon him) states three things that reduce eyesight, 1) to look at impure things, 2) to look at the female genitals and 3) to sit with one’s back facing Ka’bah.
Imam Shafi (may Allah’s mercy be upon him) states three things, which increase sexual desires 1) to eat the meat of sparrows, 2) to eat pistachio and 3) to eat watermelon.
Faiaz bin Nazih (may Allah be pleased with him) narrates the Messenger of Allah (may Allah bless him and grant him peace) said that, “When the male organ of a man stands erect, he loses two thirds of his intellect.” xxi
Manners of conjugal relations
1. Intercourse should not be had merely with the intention of fulfilling one’s carnal desires but rather it should be to safeguard oneself from Haraam. For procreating; to fulfil the rights of the wife. By means of these intentions one shall gain reward and at the same time fulfil one’s desire.
2. To have sexual intercourse only with one’s wife. xxii
3. Before actual coition, hold conversation of sexual love and give caresses and kisses. Play and toy in order to rouse sexual organs for easy cohabitation. To joke and play with one’s wife – i.e. to indulge in foreplay. xxiii
4. Intercourse should not be indulged on an empty stomach or on a full a stomach or with the urge for relieving oneself. (i.e., to go to the toilet).
5. There should be complete privacy. Intercourse should not take place in the presence of babies.
6. A sheet should cover both partners whilst having intercourse. xxiv
7. One should not face the Qibla during intercourse.
8. The Prophet (may Allah bless him and grant him peace) would cover his head and lower his voice. xxv
9. To make Miswak before intercourse.
10. Some Scholars recommend intercourse on Friday and the night before it. xxvi
11. Intercourse is recommended once every 4 days. The husband should increase or decrease the amount of intercourse in accordance with his wife’s need to guard her virtue. xxvii
12. Imam Ghazali (may Allah’s mercy be upon him) writes that, It often happens that the females orgasm is delayed. To withdraw at this point will cause her pain. The husband should not be pre-occupied with his own satisfaction, because the women will often be shy. xxviii
Supplication before intercourse
To read the following supplication before intercourse:-
Bismillahi Allahumma Jannib-Nash Shaitana Wa-Janni-Bish Shaitana Ma Razaq-Tana. xxix
Allah’s name I begin with, O Allah (The Exalted) Save us from the Devil and also save the children you (may) bless us with.
The Messenger of Allah (may Allah bless him and grant him peace) said that, “After that, if Allah (The Exalted) decrees that they will have a child, the devil will never be able to harm that child.” xxx Subhanallah! These supplications should be said in the heart as supplications can not be said aloud whilst unclothed.
13. It is disliked to talk during intercourse; there is a fear of becoming deaf or speech problems. Similarly do not look at the woman’s private part as there is fear of the child becoming blind. To make sure both partners are covered and not completely naked like animals as there is a chance the child may become shameless. xxxi
14. Not to think (fantasise) of any person besides one’s partner whilst having intercourse. To think of any other person is similar to adultery.
15. If there is an urge to engage in intercourse more than once, then between each act of intercourse it would be best to have ghusl, otherwise Wudhu will suffice and the least is to make Istinja (washing the private parts). xxxii
Supplication after intercourse
To read the following supplication after intercourse:-
‘Allahuma La Taj-‘al Lish-shaitani Feemaa Razaqtanee Naseeba’.
‘O Allah (The Exalted)! Do not grant the Devil a share in what you have provided me. 5 www.GardensOfSunnah.co.uk
16. It is best to make ghusl (to bathe) each time but it is permissible to bathe at the end. xxxiii
17. It is Fardh upon both partners to make ghusl after having intercourse and it is best to bathe before sleeping. xxxiv
18. If one cannot make ghusl then Wudhu will suffice and ghusl should be made later. It must be remembered that one can stay without ghusl only until twilight (before fajr Salaah as Allah (The Exalted) curses those who bathe after Fajr whilst missing the Salaah).
19. The husband should only have intercourse with his wife after she has bathed after per period. xxxv
20. It is permissible to use temporary contraception.1 But not permanent contraception i.e. operation because if all children die in an accident etc. and they want to have children then this will not be possible with an operation or if both partners separate and she marries someone else and the husband wants children then this will not be possible either.
21. If any of the wives of the Messenger of Allah (may Allah bless him and grant him peace) had eye pain, he did not have intercourse until they recovered.
22. The Messenger of Allah (may Allah bless him and grant him peace) did not consider drinking water after intercourse, exercise, eating, and bathing.
23. Whilst having intercourse or after bathing has become obligatory, if a person perspires and touches anything it will remain clean as the perspiration is clean even in the state when bathing is obligatory. xxxvi
24. It is Sunnah to have intercourse before the Walimah (feast) and Wajib (necessary) once in a lifetime of the marriage.
25. Only those parts of clothing which have semen have to be washed as semen is impure. xxxvii
1 Although it is offensive (makrooh) in the Shafi’I school. (reliance of the traveller).
2 Surah Ambia; Surah No: 21; Verse: 89
Al-Mutakabbir (The Proud) – This is beneficial for those who do not have children or a barren woman. Before going to your wife recite this ten (10) times Allah (The Exalted) willing one will have a pious child. And also continue as much as possible reciting the following from the Qur’an:
Rabbi La Tadharni Fardaw Wa Anta Khayrul Waritheen.
O my Lord! Leave not me alone and You are the best inheritor. 2
1. It is forbidden and a major sin to have intercourse whilst one’s wife is menstruating. He is permitted to sleep with and caress her but she must keep her body covered from her navel to her knees in order to prevent any possibility of intercourse. xxxviii
2. After childbirth till the stoppage of blood nearly upto the 40th day.
3. During the hours of fasting.
May Allah (The Exalted) give us the ability to have conjugal relations in the lawful manner, Ameen. 6 www.GardensOfSunnah.co.uk
iii Etiquettes of sexual relations
iv Ihya ulum Ad-din
v ibid p.74
vii Ihya uloom ad-deen, p. 74
x Ibn Majah
xi Bukhari & Malik’s Muatta
xiv Ihya Ulum Ad-Din, p.74
xv Reliance of the traveller
xvi Ihya Ulum Ad-Din, p.75
xvii Abu Dawood
xix Abu Dawood
xxi Ihya ulum Ad-din
xxii Muslim & Ibn Majah
xxiv Ihya ulum Ad-din, p. 74
xxvii ibid p. 75
xxix Bukhari in Tawheed
xxxi Alamgiri & Fatawa-e-Razawiyya
xxxiii Mishkat & Ihya ulum Ad-din, p. 75
xxxv Ihya ulum Ad-din, p. 75
xxxvi Muatta Imam Malik
xxxvii Abu Dawud
xxxviii Ihya ulum Ad-din, p. 75