CHAPTER FOURTEEN Why can’t women say ‘no’ to the husband for conjugal relation?

The Messenger of Allah (may Allah bless him and grant him peace) states that “If a man invites his wife to sleep with him and she refuses to come to him then the angels send their curses on her till the morning.” i Islam is the only religion in the world that acknowledges the physical need of a woman. Female pleasure even in modern discourse had to fight a very long battle to make this language part of ‘Mainstream culture’, medieval culture, European culture, Jewdeal and Christian culture, do not talk about the female pleasure as it is not acknowledged. You need to be romantic with women and be nice to them as they will appreciate that, but if you ignore them and as the Prophet (may Allah bless him and grant him peace) said, “because like the camel that when the appetite is there takes what it wants and then wonders off to munch in the field,” that is a type of oppression to a women. And this is why the Prophet (may Allah bless him and grant him peace) said, ‘Send messengers before you go to your women,’ and they asked ‘what it was’ and he said, ‘sweet talk and kisses just to be sweet with your wife.’ So the question remains, why can’t women say ‘no’ to the husband for conjugal relation? Well, the answer is that men can not say ‘No’ every time either. They need to have a valid reason, as the man goes to earn and may be very tired, hence he can say ‘No’, but this can not be used as an excuse all the time. Today, the society is such that temptations to commit wrongful act is everywhere and anywhere! When a man steps out of his home, he will as stated above, come across women whilst he is travelling to work. Whilst at work, he will again face women in the office etc. There will be meetings, one to one projects, telephone conversation outside the home, he will then return home to his wife, and it is in this family environment, that Islam looks to direct any temptation a man may have outside the home towards his lawful wife. The Islamic ruling of the husband and wife being there for each other at ‘all times’ creates a stable environment for them both, and for society as a whole. The other reason is that in reality, men are the weaker sex from the two. Allah (The Exalted) states, “…and man has been created weak.”ii This is to do with marriage as men and women can not survive without each other. . I came across an article titled ‘Flirting causes crashes,’ in a local newspaperiii from which I will quote some paragraphs. “The first paragraph reads; “Male motorists making eyes at attractive female drivers are adding to accident statistics, it was revealed.” “Around half of men drivers admit flirting with women in other cars and 2% said they had been distracted enough to suffer a road accident, research from AA Insurance found.” “ Around 49% of men drivers and 20% of female motorists flirt with the opposite sex when stopped at traffic lights, with women tending to eye up chaps in convertibles.” “Just over 10% of women say they have been flirted with at lights, yet twice as many men believe they have been on the receiving end of female attention.” Hence, we find one reason that if he wants to have intercourse and his wife said ‘No’, then chances are possible that the man will go to fulfil his desires elsewhere, committing adultery and hence Islam wants to protect the marriage and therefore have given man this right and woman the sanctuary of marriage.

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